I rarely post but… DAMN!!! My heart bleeds heavy for a YouTube sensation that I’ve just came across in November. From November to January I’ve been obsessed with this guy like a middle school girl with a crush. I found out the news late and I am so distraught. I was on a website reading about how the fattest man lost weight. I scrolled down to the other articles and saw Freddy’s picture thinking he was about to become this big celebrity or something. So I clicked the link and I remember reading 22 and dead. Thinking the article was about his cousin Desmond Jackson, I continued to read and I started crying in extreme disbelief. I checked his twitter and youtube hoping it was a hoax and it was confirmed. I couldn’t go to sleep last night. I rarely want to eat. I can’t listen to music (I used to love music). I just can’t believe he’s gone by suicide. Funny thing is, I saw the tweets as they were coming and like an idiot I didn’t really think nothing of it. I just thought he was using twitter to vent and not to narrate his actions.
From the moment I saw him he literally stole my heart. From the very first video I seen him in (ThisIsACommentary’s You Know You Ratchet When..). I just knew I had to check out his YouTube channel and instantly I fell in love with him. The first video I seen of his was “Death to Stuck ups”, that video had me laughing so hard I ended up following him on Instagram and twitter.
Man it’s hard to type though this pain in my heart and in my brain.
As I continued to watch his videos he started to look like a combination of 2 exes of mines and my most recent crush (needless to say, I thought he was gorgeous lol and after watching “How To Eat Pussy” he was a freak too… I liked that). Funny thing is before I came across my first video of him one of my I was missing one of my exes at the time. As I followed his twitter I realized he had two tributes one for Aaron Sullivan and another for a guy named Desmond Jackson. So I looked them up (Why would a guy post that or even get tattoos in honor of them if these people weren’t significant to him). I found out stuff about the both of them Sullivan was a friend who was shot a couple of years ago and Jackson was his cousin who was shot in February of 2012. (I could only imagine what he was going though.) The death of Aaron Sullivan appeared to have healed a bit but Desmond Jackson’s death kept haunting him (I could read it in his tweets). I came across a video in honor of Desmond and one of the comments read, “What happened to him?” He replied in the most cryptic way, "shots were fired hit two missed one… the wrong one" (not exactly sure if that’s the exact phrase but the last 3 words stuck out to me). I knew at that moment things weren’t right with him but, I didn’t realize how serious it was. As the days continued he seemed happy and then he would go off about the situation again. He posted a behind the scenes video and he was talking about it again. This time it was on twitter. He said, “A trip down memory Fucking Lane” I took that as a sign he was thinking about his cousin again. I guess I was right because someone asked “where’s the Freddy_e I used to know?”. He replied with I haven’t been the same since February. Then he continued with lighthearted tweets afterwards. As I was flipping through his videos I came across his Trayvon Martin Video and realized he had no tears in his eyes but you could feel his soul crying. He just wanted justice for his cousin. I would too if the people that shot him really wanted to kill me. He felt unsafe and alone in this world.
He cried out so much but we all ignored it. We ignored the signs he was giving us. He was trying to get right with God and thanked him for everyday of his life.
Some blame Honey Cocaine for his suicide but I hope it wasn’t over her. Others say the Illuminati killed him. I just feel as though the he was depressed and he let the Demons of the world get the best of him. I also think he blamed himself for his cousin’s death. Damn I just wish I could’ve done something to prevent it. This shit really hits home and it hurts like FUCKING hell. One minute he’s here the next he’s not.
I just want to send my condolences to his family and all his closest friends.
RIP Freddy_e You’ll always have a place in my heart. I’ll Miss You!
Your Fan… AND 1!!!!!!